Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
