and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
