I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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