Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
