....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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