If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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