I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
