Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
