They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
