we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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