Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
