ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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