I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
