Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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