Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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