I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
