at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
