Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
