we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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