she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
