I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
