thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
