It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
