Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
