dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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