sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
