I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
