it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize