I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
