i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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