Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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