3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
