I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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