so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
