Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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