he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My penis needs a shock collar
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
