Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
