the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like