she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
