he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
