I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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