you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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