You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
