can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
