hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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