so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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