Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
