based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
