Plan B is the new Plan A
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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