he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
