You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
