I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
