i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
