Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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