I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
