I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
