I need help removing her.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
