Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize