i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
