Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
