dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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