nut hugger
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize