She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
