I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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