I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
