two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
