3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
