I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
