Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
