U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
