why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
